5 things single parents need to know

When my Dad passed away from cancer a few days after my first birthday things really changed for our family. From that moment on it was my Mom, brother, and me. See that picture to the left? That’s us. And in case you are wondering – I don’t part my hair like that anymore 🙂

Sacrifice, determination, hard work, and a keep-moving-forward attitude are just a few words I’d use to describe my Mom and what she did for our family. I’m still not sure how she did it, but I guess that’s why she’s my hero. I learned a lot over those 18 years at home, but most of those lessons I didn’t realize until I was much older, looking back on my childhood and adolescence. Here are a few and I hope they help:

1. Values trump everything

My Mom worked as a pharmacy technician and while it was enough to pay the bills, in 1983 pharmacy techs did not make a lot of money. I am still not sure how my Mom pulled it off financially, but I trust her budgeting skills were very good. I bring this up because, even though it is a touchy subject, financial hardship can be an extreme challenge for single parents, but I want you to know something. When it comes to your children and making a better life for them, the values you instill in them trump any type of item you can buy. Teaching them right from wrong will build trust in your relationship and is far more important than buying them an expensive pair of sneakers or jeans.

 2. Take genuine interest in friends

You only have one set of eyes and ears. You can’t possibly keep after everything your son or daughter is doing and everyone they may be hanging out with. I sure know my Mom couldn’t. But there is one thing she did that I believe not only made our relationship stronger, but helped keep me on a good path. She took a genuine interest in my friends. She got to know them. If my friends came over to the house she would ask them about their interests, sports they are playing, or school. She got to know them before she started worrying who I was spending time with.

She knew which of my friends made good decisions and had good habits, which ones didn’t, and made sure I spent more time with the former. After all, we become like the people we most spend our time with.

3. Make the games

It’s hard to make every event, I know. Plus, it’s hard to get your “me time” when you are a single parent, but trust me on this one. Your kids not only want you there, they need you there. The hard work they see you doing day in and day out for the family is rubbing off on them and they work hard in their goals too. Those soccer games, music recitals, or dance competitions mean so much more if they can experience them with you. It’s an opportunity to make your relationship stronger, get to know their teammates, and reinforce how proud you are of their work ethic.

4. Dating?

When I was 8 my Mom went on a date and I was so excited. I remember sitting at home with my brother and we couldn’t wait to hear how it went. But when she got home she told us that he did not want to date anyone with kids. Of course, my reply was, “but Mom he doesn’t even know us. Maybe once he meets us he will change his mind.” And she had to tell us that it wasn’t anything personal. The next day at dinner she looked at my brother and me and told us that she decided she won’t date until we are both out of the house because she doesn’t want the drama to impact our family.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t date. But I am saying that when it comes to dating, ALWAYS, include your children in any decisions you make. Deep down they are excited for you to find love, and if they feel a part of that decision then the acceptance of your partner will be more successful.

5. The future

We never know what the future will bring, but when it comes to our kids we want the best possible life for them. As they navigate their teenage years and enter adulthood, know that you did the absolute best possible job you could have. Trust the values you have instilled in them, have faith they have an inner circle of healthy friendships, know you will remain proud of their accomplishments, and enjoy the incredible close relationship you have with your son or daughter in a way only a single parent can.