Overcoming fear of failure – what every teen needs to know

Failure. It’s in the movies we watch, books we read, and inspirational stories we see in the news. It’s what makes life hard in the moment, but looking back we find great satisfaction in what we were able to accomplish because of the life lessons we gained from it.

Maybe Thomas Edison said it best with his invention of the light bulb, “I have not failed. I just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Or Henry Ford when he said, “the only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.” Or perhaps you can relate to Winston Churchill when he said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

We can rattle off quote after quote and story after story, but how can we give the teens and young adults in our life a tool or skill they can put into practice every time they may be worried, feel pressured, or anticipate hitting a road block?

Here is a 5 step process you can teach them that will positively change their mindset, the way they feel about themselves, their behavior, and the outcome:

1. Identify the goal or situation
Perhaps it’s a test at school, an important game, or an interaction with a friend.

2. Think out two possible outcomes (best and worst case scenarios)
Be very frank with it and let them know, “hey, I think you are really going to be awesome at this and I want you to think about what that will feel like. But I also know you are worried how it may go so let’s prepare for that. I want you to think about some things that could go wrong so you’re prepared for them if they do happen.”

3. Prepare how you will deal with each case if it happens
Now walk them through it. Focus on the positives first. What are they going to do if the ace the exam or win the game? Then move onto the negatives. Find out what they are most nervous about and come up with solutions. What are they going to do if they feel anxious before the exam or they are having trouble understanding the questions or the class is almost over and they won’t be able to complete the test. Walk through everything because it will build their confidence going into it.

4. Then answer the question, “what did I learn?”
Once the goal, task, or whatever that situation was is complete, have them answer what did I learn? Or better yet, what did I learn about myself?

5. Take those learning experiences and apply them to the next goal.
Apply those learning experiences to future goals and scenarios so they feel more confident and prepared.

Now instead of the fear of failing being a crippling force holding them back, they have a tool/process to work through making them feel more prepared and eager to work hard.